No, not that one, pervert.
I’ve been peeing on sticks for a week to track ovulation (Oooooh, that “O”…) so I can start priming for banking cycle #2, which is the 6th and last time I’ll hyperstimulate my ovaries. Now that we’re cycling out of town, this requires much careful planning–booking flights and hotels, planning leave from work, and in B’s case, lost wages, scheduling the dogsitter, etc. Peed twice today and negatory, no surge, so now the calendar needs to be adjusted and the rest of our lives with it. Best laid plans, stupid ******* ovaries.
It also means anxiety since these things have a history of not catching the O consistently and have single-handedly delayed and disrupted cycles. I am now peeing on sticks twice a day: first thing in the morning, then dehydrating myself for several hours, then peeing again. This is especially fun at work, where I get to pee and drink on a regimented bell schedule.
Step One: Pee immediately before homeroom.
Step Two: Drink nothing until lunch period.
Step Three: Realize you forgot the OPK in the car. Smuggle them into the building. Slink into the corner bathroom stall. Pee on stick after 4 hours of dehydration.
Step Four: Smuggle pee stick out of the bathroom because no teacher has the time to sit in the stall for 5 minutes waiting for the results.
Step Five: Watch the empty O appear again and curse under your breath that you’ll have to do this all over again tomorrow, like in that movie Groundhog’s Day.
Step Six: Eventually call the nurse and demand that she run blood work.
If you’re like me, feel free to print this picture and throw darts at it.
Pfffft, 99% accurate. Oh the joys of being the 1% really know no bounds.