I Have a Bean

When we listened to the message from my nurse on Friday, my husband cried big crumple-faced tears, some swirling medley of relief and awe. We clutched each other in crazed hiccups of astonished joy.

No stark, white pregnancy test window followed by the sickening thud of the plastic thing dropping with resignation into the trash can.
No howling in grief on the bathroom floor.
No rush of cold electricity following a phone call that starts with, “Unfortunately…”
No swollen, red-eyed tenure on the couch, curled into the fetal position, staring blankly.

I took his hand in mine, placed it squarely on my lower belly and purred, “There’s a little bean growing in there.” For now, in this moment, I have a burrowing, blossoming, bean.

Image from Fabeku

63 thoughts on “I Have a Bean

  1. Oh hon. I’m overwhelmed with joy for you! This is such a wonderful thing to read, and I hope you two are enjoying every second you’re able. This is such beautiful news, and has completely bowled me over with joy. Sending so much love and continued growth and happiness for you three ❤

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    • Truth? We’re sweating over the betas. The first moment was as sublime as I described, and I think I posted this to remind myself to enjoy this, but my numbers are squeaking by the normal threshold. It’s a little nerve-wracking!

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      • The fear is pervasive. It’s really hard to feel the joy, sometimes, but I hope you have more moments of overwhelming hope. I cried after each beta and each scan for months out of sheer relief that it wasn’t over, but there was always that “yet” in my mind. Sometimes there still is.

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  2. Wonderful news for you and your husband..I guess it’s time for you and me to celebrate and dance and toast to the miracle that is William Schoolcraft 🎈🎊🎉👯👯🎉. LOL.
    Have a great holiday season…hope all things are happy for you. Seriously. Great news. Congratulations.

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  3. I am overjoyed for you!!! Ask sit here and rock my little boy to sleep I am praying with every fiber of my being that, this time next year, you will be holding your child in your arms. It’s a difficult road we’ve walked together sister. Congratulations.

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  4. Oh my friend, this is the best news ever! All the hard work and all the waiting is starting to pay off. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. I know it’d still be terrifying to wait for beta results but I am so excited for you to get over the first hurdle! Sticky thoughts sending your way. ❤

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  5. This is such wonderful news after such long and arduous journey!! Wishing you much peace and happiness and that little bean will grow into a beautiful baby.xx

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  6. Oh tremendous sigh of relief and gratitude… I know its only the beginning but its a blessed beginning, a real chance, at last, for your child to grow, to become, to come home… believe me I know how stressful this part can be but I am so excited, so hopeful… Grow little baby bean, grow!!

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    • Yeah, I was thinking of how you kept saying that the worrying wouldn’t stop with a BFP, and here I am…lol! Thanks for being so excited for me 🙂

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  7. I am overjoyed to read this. Sorry I’m late to share this note of unadulterated happiness. In reading the comments I hear your wish for more reassuring betas but you know as I do those things can be all over the map. I’m keeping the positive energy flow to bean on overdrive!

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  8. Pingback: ‘Friends in the Computer’ | The Empress and the Fool

    • Thank you! I was reading your post today about the Christmas stockings and have had almost the same thought since we hang them on either side of our archway, which makes three (the dog, obvi) a little lopsided. Like you, when decorating this weekend, I thought, but NEXT Christmas…

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  9. Pingback: Currently | The Parenthood Diaries

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