No HCG in my blood after transferring two genetically normal, nicely developing embryos into a normal uterus with a 10mm lining and good hormone levels
No reason to believe the last two will be spared by my Uterus of Doom after 5 unexplained failures
No more stamina to subject myself to more fresh IVF cycles
No access to a known surrogate or the funds to pay the astronomical price tag for an agency gestational carrier
No reason, after the CCS victory and FET failure, to believe that an egg donor will get me a baby
No threshold for capitulating to birth mothers and wooing them with a glossy profile or withstanding the thousand knives of life-long visits in which my child kisses and hugs his other mom
No substantial, fulfilling bonds with family, despite my best efforts with narcissistic siblings and disinterested cousins, to sustain me through a childless life
No way out
I am seriously considering shutting down this blog altogether.
In my real life, when I am not getting relentlessly shafted by my body and my shit luck, I am a strong and vivacious person. It’s humiliating and exhausting to be this public Eeyore.