May I present my unhatched chicken(s), which I have been careful not to “count,” as they say, in those moments fraught with the anxiety of post-traumatic stress following late loss; though, admittedly, in other moments I am drafting lists of baby names, researching cloth diapers, and planning my curriculum for the upcoming year around an April maternity leave. The official time stamp is 5w4d, a windfall of hope, a seed (or two) of wondrous possibility taken root from a DET of CCS-screened blastocysts in July, a covert op I mostly withheld from the blog and virtually everyone “in real life” as well. We were able to see the yolk sac today (read: signs of life) plus a much smaller second gestational sac that may or may not become a person. Of course there are many growth markers and milestones and high-stakes checkpoints still ahead – no one knows that better than me – but for now I am filled with gratitude for each incremental victory.
And miles to go before I sleep.
Ironic, since if all goes well, sleeping is the last thing I’ll be doing.