Old Notions Endure

I carved out the time to say something today because there are, inevitably, readers out there who need some lifting. There are no easy ways to cope with this day, so the best I can offer is this post from Two Weeks Wait and a second helping of my Mother’s Day post from two years ago, when I was raw and bleeding from the loss of my son three weeks prior.

From my new vantage point, this day feels strange. I still regard it with a distrusting side-eye after so many years of being lashed and bludgeoned by family brunches and Facebook dedications to everyone but me. So many people have reached out to me with “Welcome to the club!” undertones, and it only seems to drive home how exclusionary and fabricated this holiday has always felt. I debated whether to post anything on Facebook. Certainly I would not contribute to the bitter onslaught. I ultimately settled on the following:

Screen Shot 2017-05-14 at 8.47.29 AM

If you are hurting today, I hope you will take stock of your worth and all the ways you mother, even if you spend it nurturing your garden, as I often have on this “stabby” and challenging day. Unapologetically take the liberties you need to survive it, and tomorrow will just be another Monday. Hang in there, sister-friends.


2 thoughts on “Old Notions Endure

  1. Thank you for this. I’ve been quietly following your blog for a while. Last year I had my 2nd IVF miscarriage in under a year (one at 4 months, one at 6 weeks) right before Mother’s Day. It was so hard. This year I am 12 weeks pregnant (and cautiously optimistic/terrified), and it was easier, but you basically expressed how I felt. Distrusting side-eye. I’m still not really in the club, and even if we are successful, I’ve been so annoyed at how exclusionary the club is, that I don’t really want to be a part of it, if you know what I mean. I don’t want to be part of the smug mommies, who both lord their kids (and the minutia of their lives) over everyone, all while complaining about how hard it is and what a pain kids are. I know how much it all hurts, especially when I have been silent about my own struggles and so they have no idea. I’m not sure how I will find a way to fit into any of it when/if it comes time.

    On the plus side I saw a lot more posts this year aimed at those who have lost mothers, or have fraught relationships, or wants to be a mother and can’t. So I’m glad to see that some are becoming more sensitive to what a hard day it can be.

    Anyway, thanks for expressing it better than I could. Congratulations on your babies, after so much heartache. And so much sympathy to anyone struggling.


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