Things & Things

The title of this post is a small homage (that very few will understand) to the title of the album my husband recorded with Garage Band, a four-track, and a host of per diem drummers during our days of basement apartment living, only to be distributed among friends and musical acquaintances in our private world. […]

Surreality, In Profile

Cloistered in his watery world, wiggling, waving tiny hands and feet, is a baby with a face. With jaw agape and eyes locked on the ultrasound screen in unadulterated wonder, I felt the heat of my amazement wash from crown to toes. I really stopped believing, somewhere in the darkness of failed treatment, that I’d […]

Graduation Party

Saturday, 8w1d, we had our final round of pregnancy monitoring at RMA-NJ. They packed up for me a big white envelope filled with cycle and pregnancy records to give to my OB and a flash drive with ultrasound photos. When I came home and plugged it into the laptop, they had also included an article […]

Tightrope Walking

I have been bleeding, and telling, and dissecting ultrasound numbers – effectively swinging violently between the moments of bliss when baby feels like a reality and others when my post-traumatic stress chimes in to remind me that bad things happen and caution against the arrogance of presumptions. The bleeding was a sobering moment. A week […]

Bright Spot

The first bright spot appeared in the bathroom on the toilet paper – bleeding, shit! Why? I’ve been spotting since Tuesday, and I really seemed to spin further down the rabbit hole each day I woke up to find the same brown discoloration. To further complicate things, I have been having a hell of a […]